One of the stranger side effects of app-era dating is that it has generated a remarkably specific vocabulary for human disappointment. We now have words for behaviours that certainly existed before — but naming them has turned out to be genuinely useful, because it makes patterns easier to recognise and easier to articulate.
Some of these terms have entered the mainstream. Others are still finding their footing. All of them describe something real. Here's a plain-English guide to the modern dating vocabulary you're most likely to encounter — including a few you might not have heard yet.
The established classics
Disappearing without explanation
Someone you've been talking to — or dating — simply stops responding. No explanation, no farewell, no closure. It's the digital equivalent of walking out mid-conversation. Ghosting is now the most common way people end casual dating relationships, which says something about the emotional literacy we've collectively developed.
Keeping you interested with just enough
Sporadic messages — a like here, a "hey how are you" there — that provide just enough contact to keep you interested while the person has no intention of actually committing to anything. They're not ghosting you; they're feeding you crumbs. This is often not entirely conscious — people do it partly to keep their options warm, partly out of genuine ambivalence.
Overwhelming early attention as a control tactic
Excessive flattery, constant contact, intense declarations of connection very early on — faster than any genuine relationship actually develops. Love bombing creates dependency and disarms normal caution. It's most associated with narcissistic and controlling relationship patterns. The key signal: it feels overwhelming in a way that doesn't quite feel right, even if it's superficially pleasant.
A relationship that refuses to be named
More than casual, less than committed. You're seeing each other, sleeping together, possibly meeting friends — but neither party has defined it, and one or both are actively resisting doing so. Situationships tend to benefit the less emotionally invested party and cost the more invested party considerably.
The benching and bench-adjacent terms
Keeping you on the sidelines while they see who else is available
You're not being actively pursued, but you're not being let go either. They keep in enough contact to maintain your interest — occasional messages, a date every few weeks — while they continue to look for something better. If the better thing doesn't materialise, you get moved up. If it does, you stop hearing from them. The term comes from sports: you're on the bench, not in the game, but you haven't been cut from the team.
Ghosting you but watching everything you post
They've stopped responding to messages — the conversation is effectively dead — but they're still watching your Instagram stories, liking your photos, appearing in your social media activity. They're gone, but they're maintaining a presence in your peripheral vision. This tends to interfere with the process of moving on, which may be the point.
Coming back from the dead after ghosting
Someone who ghosted you — weeks, months, sometimes years ago — reappears as if nothing happened. Usually with a casual opener: "Hey, how have you been?" The "zombie" has returned from the conversational grave. The reason for the reappearance is almost always either boredom, loneliness, or the fact that their current options haven't worked out.
The friendly version of ghosting
Ending a connection with some degree of kindness — acknowledging the situation, expressing genuine appreciation, being honest about not wanting to continue — rather than simply disappearing. Named after Casper the Friendly Ghost. Genuinely the right way to end things with someone, and relatively rare.
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Newer additions to the vocabulary
Keeping you hidden from their life
You've been seeing someone for months but you haven't met any friends, family members, or colleagues. They're keeping you "in their pocket" — present in private, absent in public. This usually signals that they're not sure about the relationship and are managing optionality by not making it visible. It's worth naming directly if it's happening to you.
The passive decline
Rather than saying anything directly, someone gradually reduces their availability, takes longer to respond, cancels plans more frequently — creating a slow withdrawal that ends the connection without anyone having to say so explicitly. It's avoidance dressed as busy-ness, and it's almost always chosen over honesty because the slow fade feels lower-risk than a direct conversation.
Backhanded compliments as a manipulation tactic
Slightly undermining comments designed to lower your confidence and increase your investment in the other person's approval. "You're really pretty for someone who doesn't normally try hard." Popularised by pick-up artist culture in the 2000s. Worth knowing because it still appears — recognising it usually ends its effectiveness immediately.
Dating without alcohol
A growing trend, particularly among people who want to avoid the distortion that alcohol introduces to early dating. Meeting over coffee, a walk, or a daytime activity rather than drinks. The honest argument for it: you actually get a clearer picture of who you're with. The counter-argument: some people find it harder to relax without the social lubricant. Both are legitimate.
The ones that describe your own patterns
Your default pattern in intimate relationships
The psychological framework describing how you typically relate to romantic partners — secure (comfortable with closeness and independence), anxious (preoccupied with the relationship, sensitive to perceived rejection), avoidant (uncomfortable with too much closeness, tends to withdraw), or disorganised (a mix of anxious and avoidant). Understanding your attachment style is probably the most useful piece of self-knowledge you can bring to dating, and it's one of the core things LoveCertain matches on.
How you give and receive care
Gary Chapman's framework identifying five main ways people express and want to receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Its value is less about the specific categories and more about making explicit that people have different default expressions of care — and that a mismatch isn't indifference, it's a communication gap worth bridging.
The underlying pattern
Most of these terms describe avoidance in one form or another — avoidance of honesty, commitment, vulnerability, or direct communication. The naming is useful, but the solution is consistent: the people who navigate dating well tend to be direct about what they want, willing to have slightly uncomfortable conversations, and genuinely curious about other people rather than primarily managing their own exposure to rejection. Finding someone who shares your approach to honesty is, in practice, more valuable than finding someone who matches your checklist.
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