Getting a pet together is one of the most emotionally compelling and least carefully considered decisions couples make. It feels like a natural expression of domestic happiness — and it often is. But it's also a commitment that can last fifteen years, survive multiple home moves, and — if the relationship ends — become genuinely complicated to resolve.
None of this is an argument against getting a pet together. It's an argument for treating it as what it is: a genuine relationship milestone that deserves the same thought you'd give to moving in together.
What getting a pet together actually signals
In the landscape of relationship milestones, getting a pet together sits somewhere between becoming exclusive and moving in together — or, in some cases, after. It's a statement of shared domestic life and mutual long-term intention. It's hard to get a dog together while believing the relationship might not last, which is why it tends to happen once a relationship feels genuinely established.
The commitment proxy
Psychologists who study relationship escalation note that shared dependencies — including pets — function as commitment devices. They increase the cost of leaving, which can be a good or a bad thing depending on how healthy the relationship is. A pet together creates a shared future that needs to be actively unwound if the relationship ends, rather than simply drifted apart from.
This isn't a reason not to do it. But it is a reason to be clear-eyed about what you're entering. A pet is not a test of the relationship. It's a product of a relationship that's already solid enough to carry a shared long-term responsibility.
The conversations to have first
Before you look at a single puppy photo, these are the conversations worth having — not in a stiff planning-meeting way, but genuinely, over time, until you both understand where the other person stands.
Who is primarily responsible?
This often defaults to one person in practice, regardless of what was agreed in theory. Before you get the animal, be honest: who will do the morning walk on a rainy Tuesday when neither of you wants to? Who takes time off work when it's ill? Who is the default when one of you is travelling? If the answer is always "we both will" without a plan for when that breaks down, resentment is waiting.
What if the relationship ends?
In the UK, pets are legally property — which means in a dispute, a court will decide ownership based on who bought the animal and whose name is on registrations, not on emotional attachment. Having a frank conversation about this now — ideally with something written down, even informally — is protective for both of you and for the animal.
Financial reality
Dogs in the UK cost an average of £1,000–£3,000 per year when you include food, insurance, vet bills, grooming, and boarding. Cats are cheaper; rabbits and other small pets less so. This is a joint financial commitment that needs honest discussion about who pays for what and how emergencies are handled.
The "fur baby before you're ready" problem
One of the more common patterns in younger couples is getting a pet together before they've resolved the fundamental question of whether they're building a shared long-term life. The pet becomes, in a sense, a commitment-adjacent gesture that feels like it answers the question without actually answering it.
Getting a pet to fix uncertainty
If getting a pet together is being used to create a sense of permanence in a relationship that feels uncertain, that's worth examining honestly. A pet increases the stakes of a relationship; it doesn't resolve ambiguities within it. The couples who do this well are the ones who are already clear about their future and want a pet as part of that future — not the ones using a pet to create a feeling of future clarity.
What it's like, practically
The actual experience of having a pet together is, for most couples who are genuinely ready, a really good thing. The research on pet ownership and relationship wellbeing is generally positive — shared care activities build connection, dogs in particular create shared social life (dog park regulars become a community), and the uncomplicated affection of an animal has a documented positive effect on stress and wellbeing.
But the first few months of pet ownership are also genuinely disruptive. Puppies, in particular, are sleep-disrupting, time-consuming, and occasionally expensive in the very specific way of chewed furniture. Couples who haven't discussed their expectations and divided responsibilities clearly will often find this period brings out irritations that have nothing to do with the dog.
The first three months plan
Before getting a puppy or kitten especially, write out a rough division of responsibilities for the first three months — morning care, evening routine, vet appointments, training classes, who handles night-time disruptions. Not because you'll follow it perfectly, but because the process of discussing it surfaces assumptions that would otherwise cause friction mid-sleep-deprivation.
Find someone ready to build a shared life with
LoveCertain matches on life stage and values — so you're more likely to find someone who wants the same things at the same time. £49 once. 90-day guarantee. Full refund if no relationship.
The relationship benefits are real
For couples who are genuinely ready, a shared pet tends to strengthen relationship bonds in concrete ways. It creates a shared daily routine. It generates a stream of small, positive experiences — walks, play, the particular comedy of animal behaviour — that build the ratio of positive to negative interactions that Gottman's research identifies as fundamental to relationship health.
It also creates a shared responsibility that, managed well, increases rather than decreases the sense of building something together. A pet is a small, living embodiment of your shared life — a daily reminder of the home you're creating, not just the relationship you're sustaining.
Just make sure the home is solid first.
The Certain Letter
Science-backed, jargon-free. No spam, ever.
Related: Jealousy: What It Really Means and What to Do About It.
Find someone worth sharing a walk with
LoveCertain matches on values, life stage, and attachment style — because the right person to get a dog with is the right person, full stop. One fee, 90-day guarantee.
Join for £49
